RuthNieves

Those Little Annoying Things...

2012-02-20T09:29:00.000-08:00

I am so easily distracted...I could be doing the dishes and if I think of something I will leave the water running to attend to something else...and so it goes. I'm looking around my house today and I can tell that my focus has been on so many other things...the dust bunnies aren't dust bunnies anymore...they look more like those huge tumbleweeds you see in cowboy movies. Yesterday after church, I cuddled next to my hot husband and started to whimper...yes, whimper, because I felt so bad that the house was such a mess. And his response was, "Right now the house looks perfect, cause I'm looking straight ahead." LOL...he was watching the Knicks play. That guys cracks me up. So today I am cleaning and scrubbing on hands and knees making sure everything is in order for the week. When things are not in order, even I am not at peace or happy. But that's another blog.
To be easily distracted and not focused leads to unbalanced and crazy lives. I experience it all the time. I know that when I am not focused on what God has called me to do or on what's in front of me I lose sight of the real deal, the purpose for the moment, the purpose for my life. I need to be intentional (there's that word again) on being focused. I need to be intentional in getting my current task completed so that I may peacefully go to the next one. I am convinced that God wants us to live orderly lives. It is clear since the beginning of time. In Genesis, He created the earth, then He created the sun and the moon and stars. Imagine if he hadn't been focused? What would life be like now...sun at night, stars out in the daylight, ocean on top, birds talkin', frogs flyin'...it would truly be a crazy world. So I think that, yeah, He wants us to be organized and focused in this crazy and unfocused world.
So let's get to it. Let's be intentional about being focused and organized. Now don't come over and look in the closets...that's my sister's job. But as far as the things that matter and are super important, let's remain focused on His love for us, how He adores us, our purpose, our health, our families, our ministries...all that God as entrusted to us...let's be intentional about being focused on those things. He loves us way too much to leave us unchallenged and unchanged. Does He still love me all frazzled and lunatic-like...absolutely He does. But He is a God of change and metamorphoses...He loves to see His butterflies go from being a tiny, scraggly strange looking caterpillar to a beautiful, colorful butterfly. Does the butterfly become a butterfly without a struggle or a fight...nope! It has to fight and struggle it's way out of it's cocoon it order to be what and who God created it to be...sort of like you and me.
So press on and let's do this thing!

Sometimes You Fee Like a Nut....Sometimes You ......

2012-02-16T05:55:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I feel as if my life is a whirlwind. As a pastor's wife my life and ministry are one. They are intertwined. Some say this isn't a good idea but it is who we are...so yes, my mind is always thinking about this person or that person, or when will our next Girls' Night Out will be, and so on.
I am home with a sick little boy today and I'm thinking about the office and the laundry that seems to morph into something monsterous. The dishes in the sink, the beds that need to be made, the projects that are due at the school, homework, sports, kids registration, greeters, worship, my husband, Transformation Groups ---- get the picture? I guess I'm not much different than many of the women all across this country, but most days I feel like that song they used to sing back in the 80's for that candy bar --- "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't." Except that I feel like a nut most of the time. Exhaustion can settle in faster than anything and then comes the crankiness. Joe can attest to that. He runs for cover when he sees the signs...LOL. But now that I am a little older (just a little) and somewhat wiser (some may not agree) I can see where I am headed and begin to take measures to help me not get overloaded and frantic. I grab a cup of tea and some chocolate and I sit for a while --- alone ----once everyone is in bed --- and breathe. Meditate on His word and just sit in the peace and comfort of His presence. I sing, sometimes I hip-hop, Flash Dance(those of us from the 80's remember this) or "whip my hair back and forth" (my boys love that song --- I can see why). I just need to get that "nutty" feeling out of me so that I can function for all concerned ....my family most of all. I want to be most effective in ministry but most of all at home. There needs to be balance...God gave us two of everything, except for our hearts and stomach...one heart, so that it would not be divided and one stomach so we wouldn't indulge doubly (yet this doesn't seem to stop some of us). God is so wise and loving....so into us...how incredible. His focus is you and me....our focus should be Him. In this crazy world,with our crazy lives, our focus can only be one thing. And that one thing should be not just a good thing but the best thing. And this best thing is God. When we lose focus on God we become overwhelmed, confused, easily irritated and frustrated. We make those around us crazy and irritated. We lose balance and harmony with our families and ministries. What a simple concept - Focus on God --- but yet it is so hard to do. Help us, Lord to remain focused on you all the days of our lives so that we can be effective, balanced at home and ministry, and be at peace with God and family.

Antiseptic Heart Wash

2012-01-30T05:42:00.000-08:00

What an amazing day yesterday was...I was pumped all day! Couldn't wait to get to Transformation and start loving on people. That's how we roll here...LOL. From honoring our Transformer Volunteers, to seeing hundreds of people walk through our door...many if not all burdened (but leaving Transformed). I love being the wife of this passionate pastor who loves his people, and the world, who loves his family and his calling.
But last night, of course after such an amazing day, I get news that is not so cool. And my heart starts getting real ugly. My disposition, countenance changes and my family can tell I'm tense and upset. I go to bed this way and get up this way too...not good! So now I'm up way before everyone is up and the hustle and bustle begins. I sit to pray and read something that will challenge me and "slap" me out of this attitude. And so this is what I open up to...Ephesians 5:15-20....we'll focus on verse 20..."always giving thanks to God the Father for everything..." So, I am convicted and challenged, to do just that...thank Him for the news and thank Him for all things He has given to me...
How easy to go from a spiritual "high" to an attitude low...so much so that your demeanor, attitude, state of whether you care or not changes in one instant. This morning as I brushed my teeth and did my morning ritual, I took the antiseptic mouth wash out and began to rinse my mouth and God spoke to my heart and said, "Girl, (this is how He speaks to me) you need an antiseptic for your heart and your attitude." This was after my time alone with Him and after reading what I had read and still I didn't get it or want to do what He strongly suggested I do. So I am meditating on His word, which is that antiseptic and I am thankful for all He has given to me...I am listing 10 things I am thankful for today:
1. God's love for me
2. His understanding and forgiveness
3. My husband - so patient and loving! That after all these years he loves me and still finds me sexy and super appealing to look at...he is my biggest fan and cheerleader...pushes me out of my comfort zone to be all God wants me to be and puts up with my laundry problem(I hate putting it away!)...I love you, my love!
4. My two boys - they bring me such joy and they too are patient and loving...when I am down they bring me right back up with those hugs and kisses that can melt an iceberg.
5. God's calling on my life - that He would take a confused, insecure girl and make her into a woman whose story can touch others..."He takes the foolish things of this world to confound the wise..." Thank you, Father!
6. Our little house on the prairie - love the peace that God gives no matter how big or small your dwelling is. Love the open landscape and the mountains as my backyard...thanking Him for His favor
7. Transformation Team - Thankful for the amazing team that God has allowed to come to TC to help fulfill the vision and mission,"Helping those far from God become truly devoted followers of Jesus." Amazing Team,honored to serve alongside of these peeps!
8. Thankful for women that are like-hearted and minded who are in the same boat as I am. Thankful for women who inspire me to be vulnerable and open and not to hide behind anything but to be all God wants me to be. I love these women and pray God's hand of provision on their lives,His hand of protection for them and their families, for joy and peace to be in abundance...and if you can believe it, some of them I haven't even met.
9. Thankful for my health and the health of my family....that even though we are tired...ministry is exciting and exhausting...wouldn't have it any other way....
10. Thankful that I can think clearly and am able to write and express my heart with you. That I can see and feel and hear. That God isn't finished with me yet and that His love for me is unending...

I feel so much better now...my attitude has changed and so has my heart...thank God for His word and His hard lessons...that He loves me too much to leave me the same...
Try listing 10 things you are thankful to God for and see what happens...and then tell me about it....can't wait to hear...

New Seasons

2012-01-25T13:33:00.000-08:00

The thing about new seasons is that they are exciting and well, new. Some seasons are good...but many others are challenging, and down right hard. Yet, I know that in every season God has a plan. Though I can honestly say, that I have no clue as to what He doing in my life or why, half the time...I know that He loves me. There have been seasons where I was on the verge of losing my mind...you know, those seasons where you are right on the edge of reality and wishing you were (mentally, physically, emotionally) not in the moment. When we lost our son, Seth, I was on that edge. I didn't want to feel anything. I wanted to be transported to another planet just so I couldn't feel the pain of our loss. Yet, one day, before the funeral, I find myself so full of rage and pain that I had no way of releasing it except by breaking every piece of glass in my path. Somehow I ended on the floor and I kicked and screamed, my dad and my husband held me down and all I could do was scream and cry. At one point I look up and from the corner of my eye I see my oldest boy, Joey, looking at me lying on the floor...it was at that moment that I decided to live on this side of the world. If just for him and my husband, I had to live. A day or two later, I sat outside and in a strange way, I thanked God for allowing it to be spring(my favorite season). I saw the purple crocuses peeking out and I heard the birds chirping as I sat on my back porch, trying to escape the stares from family and friends. I knew that this was God's gift to me...spring. It's as if He was saying, "winter is over, but spring is here." I learned so much during this season. I learned that even though I may not understand His plan, I can trust Him because He loves me. I learned that He loves me more than anything and that He wept with me when I wept because He knew how much pain I was in. He was my comfort and my peace. He was so good to me. I decided to stay here on planet earth because even though I did not understand I had hope that one day I would see my beautiful boy again. I would hold him and we would be together forever.
Though seasons come and go and some are good and some are bad...we have hope because God does live and because He loves us!
After Seth went to be with Jesus, we weren't sure we would have anymore children...but God thought different. Our Josiah was born two years later. And let me tell you, he is a true joy. A gift from my God!
Despite the season you are in today...know this...God cares and He loves you. And though you may not understand, trust Him. And remember. Remember how good he has been to you. Remember where He has brought you from. Don't forget. The same God that did all those good things for you in the past is the same God that will see you through this tough season. Don't give up and don't go over the edge. Choose to live.

2011

2012-01-02T18:02:00.000-08:00

I have so much to say and it's all jumbled in my head. Don't you hate when that happens? Often times, my mouth goes before my thoughts and then I get in big trouble. But tonight as I sit here and write I have so much to say and yet I can't seem to put it to "paper."
This year has brought a lot of growth. With it's often chaotic times, it has brought peace and learning. If you are a woman, let alone a wife and mom, pastor's wife of the best church in Orange County, NY, school volunteer(when I remember to get there), sports mom, counselor, teacher, hostess, and the list goes on, then you know what I am talkin' about. And when I plop into bed at night(and yes, I do plop...more than you know!) I look back at my day, my week and God speaks to me in a still small voice and shows me areas that I need work in, and people I need to ask forgiveness from and those I need to forgive. He tells me to be a little easier on my boys and don't say "no" so much. He has shown me that life goes by so fast and that I need to focus less on the little things and more on the big things because these are the things that have eternal value: my husband, my boys, my family and friends, our ministry(it's really God's but He has entrusted us with it)...to love more, forgive more, play and laugh more, exercise more and not to be so quick to speak...that silence really is golden (yeap, still workin' on that one). He has shown me that His word is true and that even though He didn't allow Seth to be with us that He is still good and kind and loving. I need to trust Him more with every area of my life.
My husband and I went to Boston last month and I had to leave my boys for a night. And if any of you know me, that is just something I do not do and hate to do. It was a school night and what were they going to do without me there to get them off to school in the morning, to get their lunches packed and bundled up...I was stressed. I thought I might play sick and all of a sudden come down with a stomach bug or something, just so I could stay home. But I also knew that my husband was counting on me and that another couple was coming with us. After all, it wasn't a couples retreat(it was sort of), it was a spiritual outing(most definitely and so much more too). We were going to support a Pastor and his bride on opening up a new campus of their church in Boston. So we were excited. But underlying that excitement was dread. It really was lack of trust in God-----Ouch! I admitted that and that brought more panic. I finally relinquished, gave in and went. And do you know what happened? Absolutely nothing. My boys were fine, not traumatized in the least...glad that we were home. What did happen on the trip was that we developed a tighter bond with our friends in ministry and we laughed like we haven't in a long time...urinals and all(inside joke).
God has a funny way of drawing us closer to Himself. He has a way of not grabbing us by the ear and scolding us for not trusting, not resting, not believing that He has it all under control. I think this will be a life long lesson for me. I think He will have to remind me on occasion that He is true to His word and that yes, He does have it all under control.
No worries!
Well, I can at least try...

Transformation

2011-12-14T08:43:00.000-08:00

What a transforming time was had this past Sunday @ the newly named "Transformation Church"! It was the party of all parties. With the unveiling of our new Cafe, the announcing of the amount raised for our Capital Campaign, the New Name announcement and of course, Ricardo Sanchez, here live and in person....wow! Ricardo brought a message of hope and healing to the 400 people that were in the building. It brought transformation to their lives because in their hopeless situation they found hope that day.

Like a caterpillar metamorphisizes(this is not a word, looked it up in dictionary, couldn't find it, but just go with it) into a beautiful butterfly, so does our lives. But it doesn't become this beautiful creature with out a struggle. You see there once was a man who found a cocoon and brought it home. It must've fallen from a tree. He placed it on the table and saw this struggle occurring from inside of it. To try and help the poor little butterfly, he took a pair of scissors and snipped the rest of the cocoon away. In doing this the butterfly crawled out onto the table lame and crippled, never learning to fly. You see, it was in the struggle that the butterfly would've gained it's strength and then it would've learned how to fly.
And so it is in the process of the transforming power of God. He could make it real easy for us. He has the power to do that. He can take away the debt, the pain, make the relationship right, get us the house, the car, heal us. As a mom, I love to give gifts to my children, I love to make things easier for them. I like to clean their rooms and make their beds, pick up their toys after them and even clean out the dishwasher. But when I do all of that, I know that I am doing them a disservice(and to their future wives). It's in the learning and the work that they grow and find pride and confidence in a job well done. I am still working on this so I have not perfected that area of my life but I have the concept and now have to apply it consistently. Same with God, if He took all of your troubles and made life easy, would you grow? Would you pray? Would you need Him? Honestly? No, you wouldn't and neither would I. We would like to think that yes, we would praise Him and love Him and Pray to Him, but the truth is, how often do we pray now? How often do we praise Him and thank Him now? On Sundays? At a meal? It's hard to look at ourselves and see the truth.
Growth and transformation happens when we go through trials and pray and praise despite those trials. When the bills are due and God provides a solution. Maybe it's a new job or a second job. Maybe after much prayer and doing your part, He opens a door for you to get a home, get out of debt.
God is in the business of transforming lives everyday. There isn't a moment that goes by that transformation isn't occurring. Just like the butterfly, you may be struggling to break free, you may be fighting to be free, but it's in the fight that you will find strength and courage. You will find freedom and relief.And then after the fight you look in the mirror and see a beautiful creation...YOU! You may be a little banged up, a little broken, but put back together by the Master. Nothing is more gratifying than that!

How to be Happy in a Materialistic World

2011-07-26T23:19:00.000-07:00

One word...CONTENTMENT.
I am just as guilty as the next person. Boy, have I found myself complaining and wishing and wanting...that is definitely not cultivating an attitude of gratitude. These two go hand in hand. Contentment and Gratitude. If you are content then you are grateful and thankful for what the Lord has provided for your life. I do believe that we are to live the "abundant" life that God has ordained for us to have. But abundant in what respect? Many will say that abundance in the physical and material. Somehow someone who has a lot isn't necessarily content, grateful of thankful....they only find themselves wanting more, wanting bigger and "better." Discontentment is more likely to be the case here. It seems that the more we have, the more we want and the less happy we are. You look at Hollywood and millionaires around the world, on TV and the news and you find these people in rehab (time after time), or on anti-depressants, searching and looking for meaning. Many of them find that if they give more of themselves and of their time outside of their "world" they feel as if they have purpose. They begin to see that there is a world out there that isn't as fortunate. Tonight's family devotional focused on being 'thankful' and as a family we are doing a small experiment. We are going to be thankful for everything around us and during our day. As my children walked up the stairs tonight, I asked them, "okay, what are you thankful for right now?" They both responded with, "the book?" (it happened to be sitting on one of the steps...as well as other things...). I said "no", think harder...finally they said, "our legs?" (with a little prompting). And I said, "Yeap." So for the rest of the night all I heard was, "I am thankful for my Xbox. I am thankful for my brother. I am thankful for my toothbrush. I am thankful for my pillow." Well, you get the picture. So, Joe and I are also participating. I am thankful for Planet Fitness (despite the soreness that it brings). I am thankful for my husband and my handsome boys. I am thankful for this summer and for our church family. The list goes on...
Contentment is the key to life. It isn't just settling. It is so much more than that. Contentment is being at peace with what you have, with what the Lord has given to you. It stops all the exhausting work of trying to keep up with the neighbors. It looking around you and not feeling jealous or envious of what someone else has because you are happy with your car, or your house, your family. Striving for excellence in morality and in our walk with God. We should never just be content with living a mediocre life, especially in our relationship with Jesus. God wants you to dream big, aim high, but not to get so wrapped up in obtaining and getting that you lose sight of the things He has provided and to thank Him for His provision. I forget to do that a lot. And I am ashamed to admit that. You see, Pastor's wives are not exempt from all sorts of silliness. We are growing and maturing in our walk and faith just as everyone else. There are things in my life that God is working on....if I just let Him.
Have you ever heard the saying,"Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it."? Well, sometimes in our discontentment we wish or want or even pray for something and then we get it. Finally, God gives you what you want after all of your whining and fretting. And then you find out that it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Sort of like a story in the Bible of the Israelites. All they wanted was to be like the other nations. What was wrong with wanting a king of their own? One that would rule over them? Well, a lot, since their King was the King of Kings, the Lord God, Himself. Finally, God gave them their desire. He gave them Saul. And after some time, Saul began to sin against God and began to influence the people of God to do turn from Him and worship other gods. Everything that God has told them would happen, happened (He is God after all). They discovered that having a king was no fun at all.
My heart's desire is that my family and I would be content, grateful and thankful for what we have. To live a life of peace in what God has given to us. And to thank Him for the very air we breathe, for the gift of sight, for the ability to read great novels (and blogs...LOL) and to live in a great country such as ours (even with chaos...2012...all you culture warriors get my drift...this is my blog, so I can say anything I want). To laugh with abandon, dance without shame and love without boundaries.
I dare you to try it...just for the rest of the week...be thankful for everything around you and verbalize it...say it..."I am thankful for...." you fill in the blanks. Then tell me how it goes for you. I look forward to hearing from you all...have fun!

Begin Again...

2011-06-28T08:43:00.000-07:00

I am going back to school!!!!!! Can you believe it? I simply cannot contain myself! It's funny how this all began. My dreams have been fulfilled in every respect when it comes to having an amazing husband, two great kids, serving in full-time ministry, and being in God's perfect will (there is nothing better than that). But for me education was always very important and still is (just ask my 10 year old...lol). I grew up in a family where I was the first to graduate High School and the first to go to college. They were hard working people but education was not an option at the time. They had to work to survive. I come from a family of master craftsmen, a family with strong work ethics. My grandfather still works his land in Puerto Rico, he is 80 years old and suffers from bad eye sight, but still gets up when the rooster crows and feeds himself and his family by the sweat of his brow and the food he grows. I wanted to go to college, always! It was away to not be a statistic. I did not want to be another minority girl, pregnant and on welfare. I wanted to get out of that environment. I wanted to do something bigger and something greater than myself. As a 17 year old, that is the way I thought. I also had a mom who "strongly" encouraged me to go to school, go to college, get an education so that you don't have to depend on the government or on anyone. She was my biggest cheerleader. In High School, I did a lot of socializing, but I loved to learn and to read and to master whatever subject I was studying (somehow Science and Math were not two of those subjects). Went to a community college and being 18 and away from home became so unfocused that I was at a 2 year college for more than 3 years...and it wasn't because I was a part-time student either... lol...so much time wasted. Then I finally got serious. Transferred out of there and went to the school of my dreams in a state of my dreams, Southeastern University in sunny Florida! After a crazy three years, I finally found a place where I could start over, where I could begin again. And it was wonderful. For a year, I did pretty good, except in Anatomy and Physiology, which I have to take over again....ugggghhhh! Then my prince charming came a callin'...literally. I came home for the summer, expecting to go back, and I never did. I got married, went into ministry, and had three wonderful boys. I didn't think much of going back to school, until recently. It's something that I have left undone, a loose end. My kids are getting big and are independent for the most part so they don't need mommy in the same way as when they were babies. I feel that now is the right time to go back. I am older now and wiser (I hope). Not easily distracted (unless there is Chinese food in the room). More focused on the important things. I am sure it will be very hard to get studying done, papers due, tests completed and passed, but if God has opened these doors then I believe that He knows that I can do this. I also have an amazing support system...a supportive husband and two very cute kids. With God and my family with me how can I fail?
I ask for much prayer, for me and for my family, for finances to be released (no loans) and for clarity of mind. These my friends, I covet.
I will keep you all updated on my "college" days...without the partying...LOL
It's never too late to begin again...Enjoy the Ride!

The Power of Our Words

2011-06-20T10:53:00.000-07:00

Just ask anyone on the street on any given day and if asked the question, "how have negative or positive words impacted your life?", many will say that words have impacted their lives in a positive way or in a negative way, causing pain or great joy. Words have the power to destroy or heal. How often has a parent ,a boss or a teacher said a negative word that crushed you or your spirit? I have spoken to many people, men and women of all ages and in all stages of their lives who have carried baggage and hurts for years. One word crushed their hearts and spirits and left them devastated for years. One of the most important jobs I have in this world is not as counselor, pastor's wife or even friend. The most important job I have in this world is as parent, mom. Truly this job is not for the faint-hearted, for the weak, for wimps. It is a job that is hard and challenging. So many times you feel lost and alone and wondering if you are doing a good job. For no matter what, your children will blame you for something when they are grown. They will blame you for not giving them that third cookie when they were 4 and how that devastated them. All kidding aside, it is also the most wonderful and rewarding of jobs. My children ask me almost regularly, usually after they have done something not-so-cool, if I would trade them in for a million dollars. And I tell them with all of my heart, "yes"...just kidding! I wouldn't trade them for all of the money in the world. They make me laugh(and cry, on occasion), they are one of the reasons why I get out of bed at 6:30 in the morning, they keep me young, especially when I am squeezing my "tiny" self into the entrance of a bounce house...bottom line is...I LOVE BEING A MOM!!!! But in the not so nice moments, when I am feeling a bit overwhelmed and not so happy, I need to be careful that what comes out of my mouth is life giving and thought out. Many times I have spewed ugliness and hurt and walked away feeling awful, sick. Then having to go back and try to fix what I have messed up. It is okay to apologize to your children or to your husband, they learn that it is okay to say "I'm sorry" when they have messed up. And learn to show forgiveness when they mess up as well. This will also teach them to forgive when they have been hurt.
Our words are powerful. The tongue can do great evils, but also produce life and joy and grow self-esteem.
I pray over my children. That their teachers will be people who would speak words that would produce life and grow their self-esteem. And that God would remove all those who would break their spirits and make them feel less than. You have the authority(given by God Himself) to pray these things into their lives and/or out of their lives. If you pray anything that is according to God's will and in His name, it will be done. Sometimes you may have to undo the damage that someone else has done. Speak words of life to your child. Speak love and teach them forgiveness. And let them see the truth that is in God's word...."that you are fearfully and wonderfully made", "You are God's workmanship(a masterpiece)" "That you are loved unconditionally, no strings attached." Speak those things into your children and pray with them on the spot. Pray that their hearts and minds would receive the truth of God's word and love. That they would not hold on to anger and bitterness. That they would be able to let the hurt and offense go, not holding on to it(sometimes holding on to stuff causes more damage than the actual offense in the long run). Deal with the issue head on and right away. Then take a little trip to whomever and have an adult discussion about what happened. Sometimes the offender has no clue and will not see your side...that's okay. You too must let it go. As a mom, I am a tigress, a mama-bear so my first instinct is to go for broke...but I too am learning that I cannot put out all of their fires and I cannot fight every battle for them, I cannot change people, but I can teach my children how to respond to offensive and hurtful words.
Love them and train them....so as they grow they will be secure and strong, not easily moved or shaken. Not prideful, just children and eventually adults that know that they are loved, by mama and papa-bear but especially by their creator...

The Missing Denominator

2011-05-31T11:32:00.000-07:00

Today, I picked up a family member from a mental health facility. One thing I noticed, and it shocked me all at the same time, was the amount of young men and women, in their teens and young adult years, in these wards and facilities. I see it all around me as I minister and counsel people from all walks of life and ages. I see a trend of young adults and young people not being able to handle life. So many have lost hope and meaning that they try to end their lives or turn to drugs, sex, the streets, anything to help them stop thinking about life. As I tried to process what I saw. I became so clear and truly obvious. There is a common denominator missing here. GOD!
They have no hope and lost all meaning because they don't know God. Whether it was that they weren't given that foundation at home or school. Whether they rebelled and ran from God. Regardless of the reason. They feel as if they have no hope.
Again, I blame those that came before us, parents, churches, religious leaders, media, etc, etc....
They allowed and we are allowing the media and the government to dictate to us what is good and not good for our children. We are allowing them to say that "God is bad, but giving out condoms in school and demonstrating how to put one on is good." How have we ever let it get this bad, this backward. As my husband says from the pulpit many times before, "What was normal is now abnormal and what is abnormal is now normal." There is so much pressure for our kids to conform to the way our society does things. The way they look, the way they dress, the music they listen to, what they watch.
I don't blame the government or media as much as I blame the church, those of us who call ourselves Christians. We have allowed the role of the father to be devalued. Who needs a dad, the head of the home, when there is welfare? Who needs a family, when a woman can do it all? No, I can't. If I had to I would and I could. But I don't want to. I have a husband and I love that he is active in the lives of my children. I couldn't have the life I have without this man. I want to love him and respect him and let him know that we are a team and that we can do so much more together than alone. The media makes men look foolish, dumb and we laugh in front of the television...myself included. Not realizing the message this is sending to my boys. All that is good has been taken from our schools, from our public places and we are okay with that. We can't be.
We have a generation of young people who are crying out for some meaning and hope, in a BIG way. They want purpose and direction. They want to experience real love, with no strings attached. They want something real. God is real. He is pure love, of the best kind. He is non-judgmental and kind, compassionate and so good. Don't look down at the skateboarder who walks by you with his head down. Don't push that young person away who may need you to listen. Hug them, love them. Let them know that they matter. Put them to work. Hold them accountable, but love on them. I made contact with one lonely boy today. Waiting for a response then I'm taking him out for a slice of pizza and some ice cream. Don't forget your own children. Love them and squeeze them and hold them tight. Tell them how much you love them, how smart and funny they are. I tell my boys all the time and they look at me and smile. I tell my boys the story of their birth and how we were so in love with them before they were even born...I show them pictures and spend time with them in their beds or in ours...just holding them. They don't want perfection, just someone who will be there to love them and cheer them on.

The Sleeping Giant Needs to Wake Up!

2011-05-18T07:16:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have been reading articles and watching the news and noticing that there is a trend going on. I don't know if you have noticed it or not. You may even be experiencing it at work or in your own community. Last night I read an article about ABC wanting to pilot a show called, "Good Christian B****es." It is a show about women in the church and their depiction. It is similar to "Desperate Housewives" in a whole other form. When the periodical "Christianity Today" was contacted about how offensive the name and content of the show was to them, they chose not to fall for the trap. But someone did say in the same article, "I would highly doubt that you would see a show titled, "Good Muslim B****es" or "Good Jewish B****es." Why is it okay for Christians to be bashed and depicted in such a manner. I am not naive to think that we are perfect or gossip-free. I have been in ministry long enough to know that we struggle with the same issues as the rest of the world. We are not exempt from idle talk and being hurtful. We struggle just the same. We are being depicted this way to be silenced and to discredit us to the world. There are some of you out there that are not allowed to wear your crosses around your neck at the office, or even have a scripture at your desk. Some of you can access pornography but not a christian site at the work place. Why is it that we are so quiet? There are people dying in Egypt and the Congo, all over the world for the right to worship God. Christians are being martyred for their faith and beliefs and we are here sitting back allowing the government and employers and corporations to take away our rights, our freedom of expression of worship. Is it because we are too comfortable? Is it that we are afraid? Afraid of being taken to court or losing a job? Or do we really believe what they are telling us? That we may offend someone because of the t-shirt we are wearing or because we pray "in Jesus name?"
While on vacation in Florida last summer, we saw a very muslim man wearing the long beard, head-gear and a t-shirt that said, "That's right, I am a Mulsim." I think he gets the idea of freedom to express his beliefs here in America. But would we wear a t-shirt that said, "That's right, I am a Christian?" I dare say, I would and I will. Teachers are afraid to lose their jobs just for putting a manger scene out. But Halloween is celebrated BIG time in our schools, with teachers and principals dressing up like witches and the like. That is offensive to me and yet I am to be quiet and not express that. No way. As a teacher's assistant, I put up a small manger scene for my students and waited for someone to say something...no one did. The menorah was up, and the Kwanza pictures were up, but no manger scene, no Christmas tree. When the children asked what my manger was, I shared that I believe that Jesus came to earth as a baby to save us from our sins. And shared how I celebrated Christmas and why. When I asked them the reason for Christmas, only one child out of 27 said, Jesus. Some of our American children couldn't even pronounce the name of Jesus. I was shocked and afraid for them and our country. This was a class of 1st graders. They knew all about the Jonas Brothers and High School Musical and about boyfriends and girlfriends. But they did not know a thing about faith. They didn't even have the foundation. We allowed prayer and God to be removed from our schools and our public places. We have allowed others, government or not to dictate to us what we should say, where we should say it, and when. We need to stop sleeping and dozing off. We need to stop thinking that "it will never happen here." It slowly is.
We need to start a movement of believers. Believers that are not afraid to vote on principal. Believers that are not afraid to show their love and devotion to God and to others. We recoil so easily and yet we have supernatural strength. We have the backing of God himself. Will it be easy? Probably not. Don't be easily intimidated. We are not to be rude or hurtful in our quest. We are to love like Jesus loved. But we are to be strong and assertive when it comes to someone trying to take away our voice, our right to worship and our right to express our faith.
I don't want to receive phone calls asking to be bailed out of jail for singing "Amazing Grace" in Walmart...LOL. You guys need to use wisdom and discernment. Extend grace and be kind. But again, don't waver and don't recoil. If we stand together, united, praying, loving people and not judging them, but really praying and loving them. If we are assertive in maintaining our right to worship God and being able to say the name Jesus, then our voice will be heard loud and clear. Begin where you are at. It is time.

Breathe

2011-03-27T20:07:00.000-07:00

I can exhale now...I feel as if a weight has been lifted and I can breathe! It feels so good. I've been running uphill for three weeks now and I have finally reached the top, the peak and I can finally, breathe...wow, what an amazing feeling! I read somewhere that life comes in waves...peaks and valleys. One minute you are soaring and the next you are gasping for air. I know that things might change tomorrow. I am not naive. But I will enjoy this moment. I will enjoy the freedom it brings...the freedom to laugh and sleep. When you are in the valley and finally reach your peak, all of the little things that used to bother you don't anymore. They don't matter. You see things differently. You laugh differently.You see your spouse differently, your children. The day is brighter. I have come to understand that the same God that is with me when I reach the top, the peak, is the same God that is with me in my valley experiences. I have learned that I am not alone when I feel alone. And I have learned that He is my strength when I have none. These are things I wouldn't discover during my peak moments. Everything is wonderful right now and the way I need God now is not the way I needed Him two weeks ago. He is all things to me. When I needed Him two weeks ago, He was my strength, my peace, my comfort. He was my sustenance, my companion. He understood. Without His love and grace, I would not have fared too well. He surrounded me with an amazing group of women who held my arms up when I couldn't. People prayed and sustained us with meals, prayers and encouragement. He did all of this for me and my family. Right now, He is my quiet place, my rest. He is the calm after a storm. He is all things to me. Who knows what tomorrow will bring, I pray that it will be another day like today. But it will probably have it's challenges, Mondays always do. God will be there, guiding and sustaining me and mine. I know that I can trust Him to take care of my needs, my heart and that no matter He will be there with me and for me. Why worry? ( I will try not to..I'm still working on that)...

Push Me and I'll Push Harder

2011-03-21T11:18:00.000-07:00

This week has been a week of intense emotion on many different levels. My husband was hospitalized after a misdiagnosis that could have been almost fatal had we not persisted in getting him to a different hospital. What should have been a minor procedure of removing a sick appendix turned out to be much worse because of the lapsed time between the misdiagnosis and the actual diagnosis. To see my husband, a strong and independent man, healthy and beautiful so drained and sick, made me sad and angry. I could not understand why this was happening, especially to him. During the surgery, I get a call from my mother that my youngest was sick with a fever. I was so torn and could not seem to take it anymore. My insides were a mess and all I wanted to do was scream, run and breakdown. I did cry, and thankfully, I had two really good friends by my side that encouraged me and really helped me along.
My husband ended up staying in the hospital for an entire week, due to the infection and post-op pneumonia. He slept a lot and just being by him made me feel close to him. I went home and took care of my youngest and assessed the situation. Made an appointment and found out that he was okay, just a bad cold. Back and forth to the hospital, advocating for my husband who was out of it, tending to my family and home was wearing on me. But somehow through it all I seemed to have renewed strength on a daily basis. Just when I thought I would collapse in exhaustion, fear, doubt, and just plain being overwhelmed, God would deposit this supernatural strength and peace in me. Even when around me all was upside down, I knew God was with me and was working on our behalf. And to think that this was only a week. One of the longest weeks of my life. All this to say that not only did God sustain me and my family but I pushed back when the enemy of my life and family was pushing me. Pushing me to the brink of exhaustion and fear. I pushed and pushed telling him that I was not giving in to fear and I was not giving in to exhaustion. I was not giving up and relinquishing control of our lives to him. I was going to fight until the bitter end to sustain my family in prayer and in hope. I knew that if I didn't do it and if I didn't believe, that my children, friends and family wouldn't believe either. So I pushed harder. The saying that says "You don't know how strong you are until you go through adversity" is very true. I am not going to sit here and say that I didn't have my moments when I felt lonely and scared. That usually happened at night, when I was alone. But I felt God's overwhelming love and Him telling me that I needed to trust Him and be still. I did try, really hard. Some days were better than others.
I am happy to say that my husband is home and healing slowly but surely. My children are healthy and happy that daddy is home. And to see their faces light up and their countenance change did my heart good.
I know that there are many instances in our lives where we will have to push back, push through, push up and God will give you the strength you need for that season, that instance. Don't give up and definitely don't relinquish control to anything or to anyone when it comes to your family, to your sanity, your spiritual walk. God has a plan and purpose through this all. And though we may not see and understand why or what, He has it all under control.
I have learned to treasure my husband and children. To pray hard. To love them and treat them better than anyone else. To be selfless and sacrificing even when it would feel better to sit and put my feet up. I have learned that God has planted within me His strength and that "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." I really can, because I have God by my side. And if I have God, nothing can beat me down or have victory over me. Let the enemy wave the white flag of surrender because I have given him a run for his money. Let him know that he has a fight coming to him if he tries any of this foolishness again. I tell you to fight and push back. Don't stop and don't quit. You were made for this. You are stronger than you think. You are wiser and God has wired you to be a fighter, a victor...definitely not a victim or a prisoner. Fight on Warrior. Let the enemy of your life run scared when he sees you coming. Prayer, praise and worship, the Bible and friends who are like-minded are your weapons. As soon as you begin to sing to Christ, as soon as you begin to read the Bible out loud, and as soon as he sees you on your knees praying for reinforcements, he is running. Running because he knows that his fight isn't going to last long. He knows that he is no match for Christ and that his power is nothing compared to what Christ can do with His little finger.
So when pushed, what are you going to do? P-U-S-H...that's right, PUSH!!

Deal With It

2011-02-22T10:14:00.000-08:00

Dealing with the scary issues in our lives, well, it's just that....scary! I can attest that there have been many instances in my life where I would rather ignore major issues, struggles, worries, and fears for fear that it will not be pretty. Let's be honest, dealing with serious issues and wounds cause our hearts to race, forcing our minds to remember, in turn having the pain resurface. It was painful once, why feel it again? Personally, when I had to deal with the abuse I experienced as a child, it was just plain bad. It was messy, physically, mentally and emotionally...not just for me but for those around me. There were a lot of tears...I call them "cleansing" tears.
Many women have stuffed their emotions so far down that they can't remember exactly what, just that it was extremely painful. It's been 10, 15, 30 years and still the abandonment, abuse, neglect has not been dealt with by many of us. Because feeling it would make us remember and remembering would be bad. But, really? Would it really be bad in the long term? It definitely will be ugly initially, but it will ease some, every time you deal with the pain. The longer you stuff these feelings down, the longer you don't deal with what has happened, the longer your heart and life will take to heal. The consequences of not dealing with the pain manifest itself in other areas of our lives. For some it may be overeating, for others it's drugs, shopping, sleeping, men, sex, a feeling of always having to say "I'm Sorry." These things become familiar and almost act as a big warm, comfy comforter. To remove these things from our lives is like an amputation. We'd be lost without them. But in reality, it's really time to let go. In order to laugh with abandon, to walk free, to run and love, you have to deal with those memories and pain, and let go! Will it hurt? Definitely. Will I cry? Yes. Will the anger and rage resurface? Sure. Will I get better? Oh, yeah! Will it hurt forever? Nope. Will I always remember? Yes, but the pain won't be as bad. You are still here. You have survived. You are stronger and wiser. You can do this. I know you can.
Dealing with my issues, it doesn't hurt as much anymore. As a matter of fact, after 33 years, I have finally forgiven. Does that mean the person is off the hook? No, God will deal with that. But for me, it was liberating. I can laugh freely and not be afraid anymore. I can talk about it and it doesn't make me nauseous or crazy. I can speak about it with strength, knowing that God has healed my heart and mind. Knowing that He has set me free from those things that had me so bound up. It was only God...without Him I would still be that confused, insecure, fearful person. And I can't thank Him enough.

Every Woman's Battle

2011-01-04T10:06:00.000-08:00

I am guessing that right about now you are wondering which battle am I referring to. Being that we battle so many of them on a daily basis. As a woman, as a mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend...we experience challenges and trials of all kinds and at different levels. I am struggling once again with this thing called "fear." Something I struggled with all of my life. Afraid of things that I have no control over. Not being able to sleep or relax, always being on alert. Having no peace or true joy. I find myself wondering why am I dealing with this again...after many years of freedom? As I sat last night asking God this very question, God softly and gently let me in on a little secret. What He revealed to me was a child walking with her father in a beautiful forest. He is pointing out some really beautiful things that he wants to share with her. After a little while, she begins to wander off, alone. She is distracted by a bird here and a beautiful butterfly over there...and slowly but surely she is alone, wondering where her father is. Scared, confused and alone she begins trying to get out of that forest alone, she does everything in her power to get out, everythings but scream. Finally when she has exhausted all effort she finally sits down, heart pounding, and yells out her father's name. Quickly he answers her and recovers her. Sadly and ironically, God points out that the little girl is me. I am easily distracted by the things in my life. All good and honorable things. Taking care of my husband and children, tending to the house. Helping and serving in the church. Working. Wandering. Losing focus on the One who gives me health, energy, peace and joy in every circumstance. Like a child letting go of her father's hand and wandering off. You would think that after 21 years of walking with God and serving Him that I would have this down. I mean, being a pastor's wife and "living" in the church gives me an innie with God and with the supernatural that no other woman has. Right!(Not even close) How I wish that were true...yet, how untrue that is. I finally called out to my Father. Realizing that I had wandered away, wandered off. God in His love and mercy for me, extended His arm, grabbed me and pulled me out. There is no greater love than this.
He uses so many things to speak to us. Last night He used His word, the Bible to speak to me. It had been days that I hadn't slept soundly and it was wearing on me...and my husband(and he says amen to that!). As I read, as huge spiritual "highlighter" highlighted the verse from Psalm 4:8..."I will lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone, O, Lord, keep me (and my loved ones-I added this) safe." How amazing He is. I had quoted that verse to my boys for days and days and now my Father was quoting it back to me. I wept at His love for me. Knowing that He DOES know me and is concerned with all that concerns me.
Whatever is bothering you or threatening your health and sanity...turn to your Father, your God, who loves you more than you could ever know. He desires to grab you and pull you out of the hole you are in. He doesn't want to leave you there. He doesn't want to see you afraid and confused. He wants to see the beautiful smile he created for your face and wants to see you free and happy. But He knows that unless you turn to Him and call out to Him, you won't experience that freedom you so desire. Just do it. Just call out to Him. He will answer. He will be right there waiting...as He has always been.

I'm Thankful...Aren't I?

2010-11-21T21:04:00.000-08:00

After coming home from work, helping with homework, making dinner, baths, snacks and laundry, I actually made it to the gym. When I get home, the dishes are still in the sink, the kids are still awake and the house in in disarray. Before I continue, I need to point out that my wonderful husband does help around the house. He is a wonderful husband and an even greater dad. He was just as tired as I was from a long and exhausting day. Needless to say, I was a "little" upset(to say the least). So, I took off my sneakers and my jacket, rolled up my sleeves and began washing the dishes. As I washed and scrubbed, I grumbled and complained. "I can't believe the dishes aren't done, I mean, come on, I work just as hard. I work outside the home and inside the home and everywhere else and I deserve not to have to do the dishes sometimes"...and on and on and on. As I'm washing my pretty dishes, God interrupted my pity party, my complaining session. And He said, "Be Thankful!" "Thankful, Lord? Thankful? Don't you know I'm tired and exhausted, Lord?" All He repeated was, "Be Thankful!" "Okay, Okay....Fine!", I say to myself...(had my family looked over in my direction they may have seen me talking to myself, making these ugly faces, and definitely thought I was NUTS). Luckily, they did not or just haven't said anything. None-the-less, I said okay to God(which by the way is always a good idea to begin with) and started thanking Him for the dish I was washing, then for the glass, then for the soap, and then warm water, then for the food that He had provided for us and for the wonderful men that grace me with their delicious presence on a daily basis. "Okay, Father, I see what You're doing."
My attitude began to change, my heart became softer and gentler. My countenance changed and I was happy. This Thanksgiving thing was working. I began thanking him for people, friends and family...even some (notice I said some) of the hard times. I responded to my husband and children differently because I was thankful for them, because my heart was changed.
Being grateful or thankful is really so easy. I think that, like my husband said this morning, we live in a society that feels as if they are entitled. Everything is fast,quick, now and just like we like it. And if we don't like it then we expect it to be corrected and compensated. I know that there are times when the microwave isn't quick enough. You can now make a whole chicken in the microwave in 30 minutes as opposed to the normal 45 minutes to an hour. And since we are entitled, we "deserve" to buy those new Coach shoes or handbag. Or eat out whenever we want.
Whatever happened to just being content? Why are we trying to keep up with the Jones'? Or trying to get the next and newest gadget? What is so bad about your little apartment or home? What is so bad about the car you drive? So what that it isn't a Land Rover or BMW? Most people driving those cars can't afford them either and yet they are up at night wondering when the repo man is going to show up. There is nothing wrong with wanting nice things, pretty things. But there is something wrong with not being happy or content and thankful for what you do have. Knowing that your situation could be so much worse. And yes, it could be a lot worse. Don't believe for a second that you have it the worst. You may have it real bad. But thank God that there is still hope. Jesus is our hope. All the times in my life where there were trials and confusion, doubt and fear, Jesus was there to calm all of those things down. No one or Nothing can do that for me or for you.
Knowing that God holds everything in the palm of His hands.
Like a dear friend said just last week..."You either believe that He can or you believe that He can't. I believe that He can." And so do I! I believe that He can, because He has. He has done so much for me already. The situations and circumstances that He has brought me through has strengthened my faith in Him. I know that no matter what He is right there with me...whether I feel Him or not.
I am thankful for a God that loves me and loves me unconditionally. I am thankful for health and a body that functions well. I am so thankful for my amazingly sexy and wonderful husband and for my scrumptious munchkins(the apples of my eye). I am thankful for my family and friends. I am thankful for men and women who sacrifice their lives for us. That we live in a country that is free and where we can worship God openly.
I am thankful for our little two bedroom apartment, because it is warm, cozy and full of lots of crazy people and lots and lots of love.
What are you thankful for today? Let's cultivate an attitude of gratitude...not just for Thanksgiving day, but also for everyday!!

The War is On...

2010-08-18T00:57:00.000-07:00

All I can say is that Sunday was a very difficult day for me...I just could not get into the realm of the praise. My body was in the House but my heart was not there. I kept asking myself, "what is wrong with you, Ruth?" "What's going on?" I couldn't shake it as much as I tried to sing and listen to the amazing words that were being spoken...truths that should have made me leap off of my feet. At one point I began to think way back on things that had been said about me and things that had been done and I became angry, all during the powerful time of praise. Can you believe it? The enemy had latched himself to me and would not get off. I knew right then and there that I was at war! At war with the spiritual realm. At war with the enemy of my joy and soul. I sat there stunned and fighting.
And all week, I have felt such a heaviness. A sort of despair, that I have not been able to shake. Praying to God continuously has kept me sane. Knowing that this is a season that I need to go through and that there is a lesson to be learned. That I need to hang in there and pray this one through. This one is going to take some serious fasting and praying. It's going to be me and God on this one.
It isn't scary or frustrating. It's just a time of learning. When God wants to do something in your life, He will bring you to a place of surrender. He will bring you to a place where your dependence is not on yourself or on your resources, but that your dependence is solely on Him. I know that He wants to bring me to another level. He has been speaking that to me. But in order for that to happen there has to be a battle...for this time and season, this is the way.
Ironically, (listen to me, am I not dealing with an awesome God?) someone came into the office and asked if I was all right on Sunday. That she knew that something was going on and that she was interceding on our behalf(my husband and I). I told her what was going on and she said she knew it. She began to speak words that refreshed my soul, that reminded me that I was not in this battle alone. One thing to remember, when you are in your battle, God always has a remnant of people, praying! He will lay you on the hearts of His children and there will be intercession. You will wonder one day how it is that you made it through...the prayers of His people for you. You are never alone in your battle. There is always someone wielding that sword on your behalf as you wield yours. There is a battle in the spiritual realm for you, for your mind, for your peace, for your children, for your family...but don't think for a second that you are alone in your fight. On the contrary, there is a "heavenly host", angels, that God has sent to fight for you. So not only do you have people here on earth who will fight for you, there are also angels that God has appointed to you to help you in your fight! Isn't God amazing?
So, I am not discouraged or dismayed. I am not angry or upset. I know that God is in control and that He has a purpose in all of this. I will fight and wield my sword...He will give me the strength to fight and to be strategic...use His word(the Bible) and songs of praise to defeat the enemy. And defeat him I will.
In the book of Job, God tested Job. He allowed certain things to happen to see how strong his faith was...and Job suffered...a lot....but in all of it Job finally said..."But He knows the way that I take, when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold." Job 23:10...

Prayer Does Change Things!

2010-08-12T02:17:00.000-07:00

I must say that even in the small things and in the smallest of prayers, God answers. I am continually amazed at the fact that God is concerned about my smallest need and concern.
Today, for instance, I took Joey to practice and he was in full gear...helmet, cleats, jersey, shoulder pads...pads all over. And it was hot! As I opened my red chair on the football lawn and sat, I could feel the sweat pouring off of me and I was in capris and a short sleeve shirt. I prayed. I asked the Lord silently in my heart to make the sun go away and make it a little cooler. And almost instantaneous, it did. The sun hid behind a cloud and a nice breeze began to blow. And all I could say was, "thank you, Lord." And then I began to think. And I asked myself(and God), "why aren't all of my prayers answered so quickly." And the answer came just as quickly, "because many times you ask with the wrong motive...Because sometimes my answer is no....because there is a purpose in waiting...because you can't see the big picture and the answer you desire may be the wrong one for you."
And another part of me was wowed by the fact that it wasn't an audible, outward prayer that I had prayed for my son, but a quiet, heart felt one, and He heard me. How amazing is that?! That God would hear my plea.
I am still waiting for the answers to some of my prayers and I am still trying to figure out some of the answers to others. But in all of this, I trust Him. Because He has never let me down. He has always been there for me. He has loved me and comforted me. He has encouraged me.
I thank God that He hears and answers the prayers of the righteous, His children. And like an earthly father, doesn't always give us what we want, because He knows what's best.
But I thank Him for hearing my prayer earlier today and for moving that cloud for my son and the other boys. Wow, that He would move heaven and earth to bring us peace and to answer the prayer of a football mom...He truly is amazing!

Yikes!

2010-08-03T19:42:00.000-07:00

Reading my last post made even me depressed. But, folks, even I can get down. And I am one that expresses myself best on "paper." There are some of you who are actors. And others write poetry and yet others can simply say what they are feeling. I usually think of my best lines long after the conversation is done. And then I usually want to kick myself for not saying the "cool" line. You know, like in the movies.
Last night was a crazy night. Full of all sorts of feelings and emotions. Sorry that you all had to be exposed to it too. I guess that if I am feeling like that then maybe some of you have felt that way too. I am a pretty private person and to expose myself as such made me feel very vulnerable. I guess it's okay to be vulnerable at times.
But God continues to love me through these crazy years...ever so patiently. So glad that "He who began a good work in me, will be faithful to complete it." I am a work in progress. I have not arrived yet....not even close. But I am thankful for His love for me and thankful for His grace...and it all comes without strings attached. No matter how much you or I mess up, He loves us. And His love cannot be taken away because He has been offended. He does not take His love away because expectations have not been met. He just...loves. I am continuously amazed at His love. "For NOTHING can separate us from the love of God..." - Nothing. How cool is that? It is an unconditional love. Pretty amazing! But then again, He IS amazing!
Lord, I want to shout it from the roof tops...even if the neighbors think I am crazy. I want the world to know how wonderful and loving you are. I want You to know that I love You with all of my heart, my mind, my soul and my strength.
Thank You for loving ALL of me...

Mayhem, Tragedy, Chaos...But God!

2010-08-02T21:02:00.000-07:00

I guess it has been one of those days...okay, weeks. I have tried not to let it get to me. I have tried to pray it through, talk it through, see it through. And for the most part it has worked. God is truly wonderful and compassionate. As loving, patient and kind as ever...patient.
But like Habakkuk I seem to be asking the same question again..."Lord, why?"
So much tragedy and chaos in our world. Things seem so unfair. How does one continue? How does one go on? How does one survive? It feels as if there is always something lurking in a corner ready to pounce on an unsuspecting victim. It seems sometimes as if we should always be living on the defensive, living with the "understanding" that tragedy, illness, accidents, losing fingers, warrants, death, pain, tears are a minuscule, a millisecond away. And there is nothing that can be done about it. And yet, how can we live at peace? Can we run free? Laugh without fear or dread? Can we sleep without worry? Can we breathe easily and deeply without fear?
How unfair it all seems.
Despite what may happen, I choose to trust in a God who sees the bigger picture. I choose to believe that despite what may happen, He will see me through. He will see you through. All of these things mentioned may come as a shock or a surprise to us, but to Him, the One who knows it all, it is no shock or surprise. He will see us through..."Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me..." Lord, You are with me. I have such peace. I can breathe knowing that He is on my side...He is AT my side. I will never walk this path alone. He is going to walk with me. As He is with you.
Fear wants to creep in. It wants to latch itself on to you and to me. But we cannot allow that to happen. Because we belong to the God and lover of our soul. He is the Creator of this universe. He knit me together...the days of my life were written in this great big book and the final chapter has been written...I win. I am more than a conqueror. You are more than a conqueror. No more fear...no defeat...no surrender...to hell with fear(literally)...I belong to Him...You belong to Him.
You latch yourself to God and to His Word...stand firm, immovable...unshaken...trusting in the God who has you in the palm of His hand...and you know what? He will never, ever let you go.
That is a promise...not from me...but from Him...

Just Do It...

2010-07-05T19:33:00.000-07:00

I must say that I am like most of you out there. I wait and do my own thing when God says do something else. I act like a spoiled brat, with arms crossed across my chest, refusing to give in. I pout and linger, digging my toe in the ground as if He's going to give in to me. Like I know what's really best for me...like I see the big picture. Haven't I been down this road before? Haven't I said, "I will do better next time?" Man, I do try. And I try real hard and yet, I can't seem to get it right.
I guess that is the problem right there. I'm the one that is trying. Me. Not God.
I want to hold on the the hurts. I want to make my self heard. Yet, God says, "No. Do it my way. It's not the easiest or the most comfortable way, but IT IS the best way."
And yet when I find myself struggling and floundering. And yet again make a mess of things...then and only then do I fall on my knees in repentance, asking God to please forgive me and to give me another chance. And because He is the God that He is...He will give me yet another chance. He will love me through this journey. He will once again confront me with those things that hold me back from truly experiencing His best for me. Only when I can relinquish control of my ENTIRE life...the good, the bad and the REAL ugly...can He do His best work. Only then can He work in me.
The process is long and painful. It is not an easy journey. But I am willing to take the bumps along the road to get to the point where God is all encompassing. Where I hear His voice and simply say..."Yes."
Just this evening as I was putting my two cherubs to bed...I tell one of them (in an exhausted tone), "Why don't you just say "yes, mommy" the first time I tell you to do something? It would be so much easier if you would." Can it get any clearer than that for me, right now in this chapter of my life?
Thankfully, God isn't finished with me yet. And He isn't finished with you yet either. He is the Master Craftsman. He is the Potter and we are the clay. He is master of all. And his best work, His Masterpiece is being developed in you and in me...
So when you think that God is angry and that He can't possible give you another chance,think again. He loves you too much to give up on you that easily. Hang in there and continue to run the race, walk the walk, and when you fall, dust yourself off, get up and continue the race. You won't be sorry.

Forgiveness...Ouch!

2010-06-02T09:17:00.000-07:00

What can I say about forgiveness? Well, that I don't do it as quickly as I should. That it is never the first thought that comes to mind when someone hurts me or my family. Actually the very first thing I do think about is...well, maybe I shouldn't say what I think...but I have a strange feeling you just might know.
I have a choice to forgive or not to. I can choose to hold on to bitterness and anger. And in choosing not to forgive I have sown unforgiveness in my own life. There are consequences to our actions and the consequences to holding on to offense is not good. Let alone that the word of God says that if we do not forgive then He will not forgive us....that's a BIG OUCH!!
So, God, what do I do when someone hurts me? Am I releasing them from the offense? It does not negate the fact that you were hurt, but you are setting yourself free from strife and conflict, stress and bitterness when you do choose to forgive. Living with unforgiveness is not healthy for your mind or spirit. If any of you have ever done a 3 week cleanse then it's something like that...you are getting rid of the toxins in your spiritual system and in turn it will manifest or show itself in your body, your face, your countenance. (Never would've thought that that 3 week cleanse I did would ever make it into anything I would ever write let alone be equated to a spiritual experience...funny).
Even now I am learning to release those hurts. Is it easy? No! Can I do it? No! Not in my own strength I can't. But I definitely can with God's help. I don't want my children living like I have. I want to demonstrate God's love. And if swallowing my pride and humbling myself is what I have to do then so be it.
I urge you to search your hearts and let God do some deep surgery so that you can be healed and set free from unforgiveness. I am learning that if I don't forgive then my life is tense and there's an oppressiveness there. I desire to be free from the toxins that try to invade my life. I know it's not easy, but try it...it'll do you a world of good and when you need to be forgiven it will be done for you what you have already done for another.

Hey, God...Where are You?

2010-05-16T14:37:00.000-07:00

What a wonderful message was heard today at Trinity Church. When God doesn't make sense. When we feel that God isn't listening to our cries or just doesn't care. How many of us out there have at one point or are right now in that season? How many of us have at one time or another cried out to God for peace, for deliverance, for healing for us or a loved one, for God to spare the life of your child and He allows the opposite to happen? WHY, GOD,WHY????
Yet in the book of Habakkuk, God answers Habakkuk after he cries out to God and asks God, Why are good people being taken advantage of? Why are all these bad things happening to good people? Why is it that the wicked appear to prosper while the righteous suffer relentlessly. Almost seems as if those words were written in our times and yet...they were written over 2500 years ago. How true to our times those questions are. When we see a man who has abused his wife and children for years and is a drunk and has cursed God and yet he lives to be in his 90's and yet a God-fearing loving husband and father dies at the age of 42 of cancer...Why? It just doesn't make sense. God where are you? When a 10 month old little boy in Indiana gets brain cancer...God, it isn't fair. How can your faith grow when what you see does not line up with your faith?
The name Habakkuk means to "wrestle." And wrestle with God Habakkuk did. Yet when Habakkuk asked "why, God?" God had an answer. God said, "Look at the nations....I am going to do a new thing and you will not believe it even if I told you." In the midst of your trial you have three choices...Warrior Chicks...we've been studying Habakkuk even without knowing it. The first choice is we can pray to go back to the way things used to be...in a "blessed state." What I mean about that is that when we first encounter Jesus we wake up new and happy and the birds are chirping and all is great with the world. The second choice is...return to your old life...your old way of doing things. You began to question God when you started going through trials. You started to question this whole God and church thing. So instead of going any further with God, you choose to go back to your old life. But the third choice is the keeper...this is the choice of champions. This is where you get to know who you really are and you get to know your God better. The third choice is...keep going. Press through. As my husband so demonstratively showed...you wrestle with God, you question but you hold on...you hang on for dear life...whatever you do .."DON'T LET GO!!!" You press through, you hang in there...God is going to do a new thing in your life that even if He told you you would not believe it. Those who chose the other two choices will never experience God in this way. They will never go to the next level in their faith walk, in their faith journey. Know that God's ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts...but one thing I know, even when He doesn't make sense, is that He loves me that He loves you. He loves me with intensity that I have never experienced before. He loves me unconditionally and His plans for me and my family are BIG. Yeah, I don't get God sometimes, but I love Him. He is my everything. Without Him I would not have been able to get through what I've been through. He is my everything and I thank Him for never giving up on me even when I wanted to give up. My God is for me. My God is for You.
I wanted to thank my amazing husband for the inspiration of this piece. He inspires me daily. Thank you, my love!
Don't give up on God when the going gets tough. You keep on keeping on. Don't quit. Don't throw in the towel. Don't retreat. Don't surrender. Hang on as if your life depended on it...it does. His plans for your life are being unfolded even if you don't see it or don't understand.

Elsa:A Tribute

2010-05-08T11:14:00.000-07:00

What can I say?She's my mom. And if you know me, you know my mom. We are the same in some ways and yet very different in others.
She had me at the age of fifteen and came to the Main Land with four kids and not speaking one lick of English. Determined to start a better life for herself and her children. She left all that was familiar to her...her family, her friends, her country to escape abuse and pain. Coming to New York she thought that she would encounter something better, only to receive some of the same that she had left. Yet through it all she didn't give up and she definetly did not give us up. Though I am sure that it would've been an easier life for her not to have four children tagging along.
She was your typical mom...chancleta (sometimes "la correa) and all. She had our cultural sayings and there was always arroz, habichuelas and pollo frito...she tried to make the best of what was thrown at her. I would see her cry many times but after a good cry she would get back up again continue fighting. She was never a quitter. And she still isn't...believe me!
There were many times as a young girl and sometimes as a young woman that I wanted to be different from her. I wanted to be of a different culture. I wanted to run away from who I was and who I belonged to. But now, I am thankful for the woman that my mom demonstrated for me to model. She gets me mad sometimes but I will not deny her the "props" that she deserves. She is my mom...strong and proud. And so, I am too, strong and proud. I don't quit quite so easily if at all. And I love cooking my Puerto Rican food and talking my "spanglish." I too find myself walking around "con una chancleta." And I remember. I remember running under the bed trying to hide from her after I lost "respeto." Man, I was hiding for my life. She was trying to teach me something even then.
She really was slow to anger. She taught me so much and is still doing it today. We may not agree on many things and we may do things differently. But she is my mom and I love her.
Thank you, Mami for never giving up on me and for always thinking the best. For fighting for me and always having my back. Thank you for sacrificing your life for mine and for always instilling in me strength and perserverance. For always being there in sime of the most hardest times of my life. For creating a home where my family and I love going to to get away. For your love and shoulder. For always being willing to listen and taking my side too. And for telling me the truth even when I did not want to hear it.
I love you and I honor you. You are a woman of strength and I am proud to call you my mami!
Ruty

The Grind

2010-04-30T08:59:00.000-07:00

With all the craziness of life...the daily routine, it is so easy to get overwhelmed and side tracked. Man, I find it so easy to lose sight of what is important...laughing with my kids, hugging my husband, sharing with a friend. If you are anything like me, you can close yourself off and not invite people for dinner during the week because with homework, laundry and dinner, you just can't fit one more thing in. How fulfilling it is to break out of THE routine and have friends over for an informal, casual meal. Just simple food with lots of laughs. So what that the kids go to bed a half hour later. They have learned more from the two hours that their friends were over than sleeping for that 1/2 hour. I am a stickler when it comes to schedules and routine, but tonight I discovered that it really is okay to veer from that once in a while.
The laundry is still upstairs...waiting. The toys are on the floor...waiting. But my friend and I washed dishes together and laughed. She was much quicker than I was too. The men laughed and talked(a lot more than she and I did!) and the kids played and got to hang out tonight. Yes, there is much to do...but I cannot forget the important things. My husband(he is sexy), my kids(so precious), my crazy yet truly wonderful life! I can celebrate any day of the week...not just on Fridays and Saturdays...but on an off Tuesday night. I can go out for coffee with a friend and pay for it.
Celebrate everyday and find the goodness of our God in our dailiness. Love life...savor it....treasure it...
I was able to go with my mom, my boys and my nephew to a hidden waterfall...a paradise. I was able to see God's goodness on a hot and sticky day. I would have rather stayed home where everything was familiar and the boys were contained, but I chose to go outside my routine. I experienced God and my boys and even my mom in a totally different level.
There is so much chaos and uncertainty in the world...love and cherish those around us. Treasure the moments with those you love and care about. Take a minute and see that you really don't have it all that bad.
Even in the midst of your trial...try and see God's goodness. Though your world may be overcast and filled with clouds...there is still a God who loves you and will see you through.
The Grind of life threatens me everyday...but today I have decided to love life, celebrate my husband, kids and my friends...and try and forget the rest.

Stand

2010-04-23T06:13:00.000-07:00

When you have tried it all....Stand! When you have cried and pleaded...Stand! When you have yelled and screamed...Stand! When you have prayed and feel like the heavens are like brass...Stand!
Stand, immovable, firm, rooted in the truth. The truth that "this too shall pass." That one day you will look back and maybe even laugh at the situation you are now facing.
A wonderful story that came to my attention is the story of the Women of Paradise Road. These were the wives of military officers, taken captive by the Japanese in Southeast Asia during WW II.
These women were elite and came from affluent and influential heritage. But they were taken and separated from their husbands and children and brutalized, tortured, starved and deprived of civility. Yet somehow they made it. Two years of neglect and death and yet they made it. How? What was it that gave them the strength to endure, to persevere? What was that one thing that made them keep going? They didn't know when help was coming or if it was coming. They didn't know if they would see their husbands or children again. But they kept going. They stood. And they SANG.
Sang? Why and How? Two of the women decided that they needed that something to give them joy and hope in the midst of torment. They formed a women's chorus. Some of them remembered pieces of Handel and Chopin and then women themselves sang the instrumental parts. Their songs can be heard on the CD entitled "Song of Survival." For almost two years they sang. They became well known by their captors and even they came, watched and applauded the performances. Incredible. They kept singing!
I have found that when I have stayed silent, my pain increased. Yet when I sang, and sang to Him who has given me song, I am set free. Free to supernaturally laugh and celebrate. Yes, you can laugh and celebrate during your times of pain and torment. When you do this, this really confuses the enemy. He freaks because he knows that you should be crying and pulling your hair out and yet, you are laughing, dancing, celebrating! Confuse the heck out of Satan. Let him know that you are going to stand, that you aren't going to curl up in a ball and die. That you are made from the creator of heaven and earth and that you are made from some really good stuff. That there is no other option but to stand, rise up and fight...
My weapon of choice, as the warrior chick that I am, is laughter and song. I have made a decision not to lie down and relinquish control to the enemy. I made my decision... to stand up and fight...to sing, to laugh, to celebrate.
What is your weapon of choice? What is your decision? Remember, retreat and surrender is not an option...stand up and fight!

True Beauty

2010-04-15T15:25:00.000-07:00

Is true beauty what the world says is true beauty? Is true beauty being thin and flawless ( would be nice, though), having curves in the right places and having just the right amount of cleavage (I wish)? True beauty in the world's standards is a deception, a lie. Why? Because if you speak or ask anyone of the women that grace the covers of any of those magazines or billboards they would tell you that they are anything but perfect. It takes hours to look like that. There is a lot of photo shop going on...masking all of the flaws.
There are women all over the world who are altering their appearances, trying to attain a look. They are bleaching their skin, they are rounding out their eyes through surgery. They think that if they can just look a certain way,they can be accepted, affirmed. They believe that if they look a certain way that they will "feel" better about themselves. Yet, many of us know that this just ain't so.
True beauty does not come from with "out" but it comes from with 'in." Each of us look certainly different. If God had an idea of perfection, He would have created us to all look the same. But He sees beauty on a whole different level. He sees beauty from a "heart" perspective. He sees out hearts and He sees our motives. He sees our compassion as we help a friend or a neighbor. He sees us and sees true beauty as we care for our family, an aging/ailing parent. When we go out of our way for someone else, He sees true beauty. Beauty is not about how you look, but in what comes from inside of you.
Many of us know "beautiful" people. And yet, some of those people could use a dose of love and compassion. Because what comes out from within them isn't so nice and makes them ugly. And how many of you know people that at first glance don't look "beautiful", but as you get to know them they are truly THE beautiful people.
I pray that as you go about your week that you are reminded of this: You are the apple of God's eye. You are His princess, His child. You are the most precious thing in His life. His love for you has no strings and He adores you. There is nothing that He wouldn't do for you. Know that you are loved regardless of what you have done or where you have been.

Seasons

2010-04-13T06:28:00.000-07:00

Last night, I shared on the season's in a woman's life. All of us are in different season's. Many of us have gone through the same or similar seasons as the other. Some of us have raised our children already and are now empty nesters, some of us are just now raising our children. There are some of us who may be going through a divorce or have been widowed. Then some of us may have just received a promotion or gotten a new house or just had a baby. Maybe you are newly married. In every season of our lives there is something to learn. The season, whether painful or joyful is not in vain. It isn't just for us to go through it. We are to learn from it, whatever God may desire, and it is meant to bring comfort to another woman in your life.
I have learned that in every season of my life, God has been there. Even when I should have been silent and spoken out of turn to try to get my point across. Verse 7 in Ecclesiastes says, "there is a time to keep silent and a time to speak." Man, do I have a hard time with that one. Whenever I read that verse, I sort of pretend it's not there. It's a bit convicting. But again, I have learned a lot(maybe not enough) in those times. God is the God of the season's of our lives. He is IN the seasons of our lives.
The good thing is that they are just seasons. And one thing we know about seasons is...that they change. Some seasons are longer than others. Like winter. I am not a big fan of winter. It is long and dreary. It's cold and everyone hibernates, especially the Nieves'. Yet, I don't believe I could appreciate Spring, if it weren't for winter. I would just get used to spring and not really have anything to look forward to. How many of us when it is summer and it's hot around here, say, "Man, I just wish it were a bit cooler" or 'Man, I wish it weren't so hot." Yet all winter long you were complaining that you couldn't wait for summer.
One thing I know is this:That no matter the season, learn from it, praise God for it( yeah, I said it), comfort someone who is going through something, and know that this season will pass.

Warrior Chick

2010-04-11T13:07:00.000-07:00

What is a warrior chick? Well, I am a warrior chick. I am a warrior chick because I am a fighter, a warrior. Why? Because I live. I live in a world where as a woman, I wear many hats. I wear the hat of a wife, a mom, a sister, a daughter. I wear the hat of a pastor's wife, a friend, a counselor. I also wear the hat of a christian, an employee. There are some battles I have chosen and there are some battles I have been drafted into.
I chose to be a mom and a wife. The battles fought in these two roles have been hard. I have been hit the hardest as a mom and wife. But I did not choose to lose my son, I did not choose that battle, that loss. And though it was a devastating blow, I chose not to stay down. I chose to rise up. Did I want to rise up? Many days, no. But I had to make a choice. Live defeated and down or rise up and fight. I chose to rise up and fight. Fight for my right to believe in a God who really does love me. Despite what was being whispered in my ear.
You cannot throw in the towel,wave the white flag. You cannot curl up and die. You need to rise up and fight the fight waging before you. Defeat your enemy. It could be the enemy of unbelief, the enemy of depression or even suicide. Rise up, Warrior, and fight. God is with you and He is for you. There is too much at stake.